Life has been any number of descriptors of late.
Overwhelming, joyous, exhausting, extreme, good, consistent, then inconsistent, then maddening, then scary, then calm and then at times very, very still.
The expansion and contraction of activity and emotions that happen within the meter of ticking time is kind of amazing.
Over this past month, I wrapped up my latest contract on a tv show. My wife birthed our 5th child.
Yes. 5.
Yes. We DO in fact, know that we have a big family. Yes, that’s a lot of kids. People love to tell us ALL the time.
Anyway, right after giving birth to our 5th child, our family of 7 got the flu, in as many consecutive days. As soon as the first of Team Kotthoff fell ill, we saw the writing on the wall. And like that, we all fell like dominos. And just wrapping up this furious flu fest now, is my postpartum wife (of only a week) being the final domino.
To no one’s shock, this past week um… sucked.
We are so happy our sweet son is here, though. And I am relieved that the love of my life is safe and healing postpartum. Our last child - he is. And so we celebrate his health and birth and the amazing gifts that my wife has given our family.
I celebrate her. Her strength, wisdom, intelligence, and general badassery. She is the best of us. Children or none, she is what makes life worth living for me.
And yet life has more for us. Always. After the exhaustion of child birth, caring for a newborn, trying to support our family, trying to give a mother who has just gone to hell and back the rest she needs, quickly accompanied by a vicious, albeit short bout, with the flu - we received news today that is just beyond disheartening.
My dad called me today to tell me he has been informed that he has stage 5, end of life, kidney failure. His primary doctor has told him to make sure his will is in order.
It honestly doesn’t really make sense right now. He just left the hospital. He was told his kidney’s were working hard, but indeed working. He was warned that dialysis might be in the future, but all other indications were that he has been improving.
My parents, particularly my father, seem uncertain at this point. Not everything quite adds up yet. There seems to be a disconnect between the care he received from his specialists in hospital to the news he received from his primary.
I don’t know.
It’s all a lot. A couple of months ago, had you told me my dad was going to die, I would have believed you. I saw it with my own eyes. And he wasn’t seeking care. And then he did. And he came back to life… and seemed to have a good prognosis.
I’m not in denial… there just seems to be a lot of confusion around what is going on and with where he actually stands.
This after receiving incredible care and attention. I can only praise the vigilance, expertise and diligent skill of the doctors and medical staff that have supported my dad through an incredibly precarious summer for him. At this point, more time must tick and it will be wait and then see. I feel for him and my mom. It has been an exhausting year for them both. I just want them to have some peace. And if it’s possible for my dad to have a positive way out of this mess he has been in, to find it.
Life is indeed a ride of sorts.
A bull ride or a bucking bronco hurling and diving trying to smash you into a wall or throw you to the ground.
And sometimes it does. I’ve been knocked off many times. I keep getting back up there hoping for a smoother ride.
Silly me.
I think the trick is just becoming a better rider. It won’t stop bucking, hurling and crushing. Eventually it will throw me for that final loop. And that will be all she wrote.
I’m just trying to ride better, see the beauty, enjoy the moments, even feel the thrill at times, of this - the wild ride that is our life.
But sometimes, I just want off.
CONGRATS ON BABY #5!! ❤️
And, wow -- that's... a LOT to go through at one time. A whole lot. Ups and downs and so many emotions along with so many logistics. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis.